DO YOU NOW HOW TO MAKE A NAPKIN DANCE? ANSWER: put a little boogie in it:]
Knock, knock, who's there, boo, boos who? Dont cry its 0.k.
What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? Winnie the pooh. How do you know when your bass player arrives? He knocks on the door, but forgets to come in. Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying bach, bach, bach Cartoons
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Posted on the glass door.
Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
When I was a child, I had a friend named Renae that I played baseball with.
I thought her name was Grenade. I told my mom I was going to play baseball with Grenade. She tried to keep from laughing, I wondered why.
She said, "Are you sure her name isn't Renae?" I said, "No, it's Grenade." I didn't know why she was laughing. Even Renae didn't mind when I called her Grenade. She never corrected me. Now I think about it and laugh as hard as my mother probably did after I left the house that day, going to play baseball with my friend Grenade.
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,
"Hallelujah!"
The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no...
'Bible...Church!...Please Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer..."Please, dear Lord.
Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,
"Hallelujah!"
The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no...
'Bible...Church!...Please Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer..."Please, dear Lord.
Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,
"Hallelujah!"
The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no...
'Bible...Church!...Please Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer..."Please, dear Lord.
Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she > could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, > "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me > be late!" > As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting > her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. > She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. > As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me > be late...But please don't shove me either!" > > > ***** > A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and > on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we > give him the money now, will he let us go?" > > > ***** > A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better > boy, don't worry about it. > I'm having a real good time like I am!" > > > ***** > Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The > first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he > calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. > My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, > they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad > scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it > takes eight people to collect all the money!" > > > ***** > Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all > the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the > way his mother cooked. > > > ***** > An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested > no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial > service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I > don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." > > > ***** > A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you > had to arrest your own mother?" > He said, "Call for backup." > > > ***** > A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed > them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" > Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." > > > ***** > A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus > with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a > baby-sitter." > > > ***** > A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her > five and six year old. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy > father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches > us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" > Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." > > > ***** > At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, > including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when > they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in > the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and > said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have pain > in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." > > > ***** > Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong > preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about > all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa > Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad!
